I had, like, nine thousand beers man...

Yes, I'm afraid that I have returned not only to the internet but also to a fairly favourite topic of mine; drinking.

How many people hear about these frat kids and sports players who drink over nine thousand beers in one night and don't get hang overs? These people really annoy me. Mainly as they're full of shit.

Firstly, I have to clarify several points here. One frat-beer is actually a can of keystone light. Keystone is not, according to science, considered drinkable. It is mildly alcoholic piss. Also, the cans keystone comes in are less than a pint, which threw my European self for a while.

Now, 10 keystones is still about 8 pints. But having 10 keystones, a shot and then throwing up means that some of those keystones and the shot don't get in your system. The point I'm making here if you count everything that goes down, you have to count everything that comes up. Personally I have never had a hang over after throwing up because a large amount of what i drink is still in my stomach when I puke - although not for long, obviously.

Another difference thing that gets me is when people say they were totally, utterly and remorselessly wasted beyond the ability to think...and then recount the night in perfect detail. Being tipsy, or drunk, is different from being wasted.

Being wasted is pretty much about to collapse. Being wasted is when you wake up and remember having sex with Elisha Cuthbert - then roll over to see a female Andrew Lloyd Webber next to you. Being wasted is forgetting your own name and using your brother's when introducing yourself. Being wasted is being carried home by your two housemates who can barely walk because you can't talk let alone stand up straight. Being wasted is passing out over a toilet bowl because you know you're going to puke while you're unconscious. Being wasted is having to get otehr people to tell you what happened last night, or how you got home. Or having to be carried across a street. Or coming on to a girl with a torn ACL.

Being wasted is not stealing traffic cones. Being wasted is not puking in the snow. Being wasted is not trying a cigarette for the first time. Being wasted is not having a warm fuzzy feeling in your head. That's being tipsy, maybe drunk.

I'm not saying being wasted is a good thing - ideally I try to stay around the drunk or very tipsy stage. Frat kids however exaggerate their drunkenness as part of some macho bullshit that displays their immaturity, not manhood. I actually enjoy drinking good beers, which is why I follow the rule of science and leave keystone well alone whenever possible.

So to all you people going out to get 'totally wasted', remember; if you can talk without slurring, walk home fine and remember everything the next day you failed. I personally will just go out to enjoy myself. I find having half a dozen friends around is better than that rather than over nine thousand beers.