Self-Righteousness and Revivication

This blog, as the few people who follow/read it may have noticed, has been dying. I have been hard pressed to find a point where I have a) time, b) motivation and c) something interesting to write about to keep my little portion of cyberspace alive. However, this changed today for two reasons:

ONE!:
I have a friend who not only has a full time job but is also pursuing a fledgling and increasingly successful career in stand up comedy who fins time to write at least one entry a day. If she can manage a + b + c so can I! Otherwise, I'm failing a bit as the creative genius I claim to be.

TWO!:
I had time today to think about it.

To explain: Driving home from a friend's house today I took the back roads to avoid rush hour traffic. It's a long and quite tight route, but my Nissan Micra has bravely traversed those wilds many times before so I felt confident today. Half way home, I had to stop due to a woman who was coming the other way and decided that she was so important she could break road law and, instead of waiting behind the line of parked cars on her side of the road to let me past - as right of way required her to do - she instead began to drive towards me.

On my side of the road. After I had already begun to drive down past the obstructing line of parked cars which blocked her side of the road.

It wasn't until I got about two thirds of the way that I had to stop, lest I damage my beloved Micra by attempting to drive through her 206. The woman was livid; as in, totally and absolutely furious. She was shouting at me (which I couldn't hear over my music) and waving her arms and gesturing and swearing. So was her daughter. It was quite easy to lip read, as she kindly emphasized the motions of her speech for me, and I was called stupid at least half a dozen times.

Being honest, there was no way in hell I was reversing nearly a hundred metres along a tight back road to let her past. Instead, I turned my music up and took the time to study her.

She was fat. So fat I could only claim she had a neck by assuming she was human and therefore, anatomically, had to have one. Her daughter was also fairly large, but nothing on her mother. Her skin looked leathery and weather beaten, and there was very little about her appearance I could reasonably identify as feminine. From my visual investigation, I could see no reason why this woman should be allowed to break road law and not reverse to let me by.

After this I began to ignore her and started to sing and dance along to my radio while turning off my engine to wait for her to return to sanity. This seemed only to achieve a net effect of turning her face purple. After drumming on my wheel for awhile and not moving, she got out of her car and walked towards me.

She was really big. In fact, this is one of the few times I could accurately describe someone as 'obese'. It was as terrifying as it was disgusting. The fact she could walk at all was a source of amazement to me.

I unwound my window, lest she attempt to knock on it with her ham-hands and accidentally break it due to a misconception about physics, and she greeted me in what I can only guess was her colloquial fashion for this situation. Are you ready?

"Wha' the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you see I'm tryin' to fuckin' drive and you're in my fuckin' way?"

That's three apparently natural uses of the word 'fuck' or a derivative of it in two sentences where it adds nothing and makes no sense, seeing as how it's actually meaning is more or less 'to have sex with'. I'm not even going to try and replace it in the sentence. I told her that a) I was also trying to drive (normally), b) she was also in my way (normally - or as normal as she could manage, at least) and c) that nothing was wrong with me.

She then proceeded to, quite kindly, show me that her expletive vocabulary was quite limited to the words 'fuck' and 'shit' while also attempting, to what I believe was the best of her ability, to explain why I should move back down the road. My response she could try reversing back the ten or so feet to pull back onto her side of the road and then let me pass, thus allowing herself to continue her journey.

I was asked, eventually, why she should reverse and not I. I looked back down the road, to make sure it wasn't just a trick of my mind that made me think it wasn't a quite expansive distance behind me to the other end of the obstructing cars. It was. I told her it was my side of the road and she only had to go back ten feet or so. She was still livid. I told her I had no other plans for this evening and that I could wait for her to find reverse, as long as it took, before continuing on and rolled up my window. She tried shouting at me but it didn't work because I turned up my music.

She did eventually reverse back soon after that. I waved a thank you and in return got a middle finger, but it didn't bother me much. The whole time this incident was occurring and I hadn't talked to the woman/thing I had been thinking about a few things, one of them being this blog. I decided to re-begin for the same reason I didn't reverse my car down that road; there are regularly fruits for patience.

So I am going to continue writing this in the hope that one day it will bear fruit and assist my future in some way. Failing that, anyone who reads it might get some entertainment or, heaven forbid, wisdom from whatever words I post. I hope this helps other people decide that it sometimes worth doing something because one day it might do them some good.