Sado-masochism for the masses.

It has come to my attention today that, given the opportunity, there is a large number of people in the world who will rejoice in causing as much pain to someone else as possible, preferably from where they can see it in detail but not receive any backlash.

This revelation was gifted to me while paintballing today. Having been given a very small, restricted and slight glimpse of what war is like I can safely say it's a terrible idea to get involved in unless you are:
a) Naturally violent and antisocial,
b) Unable to make a living another way,
or c) Ready to die.

Had I been in a warzone situation I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done half the things I did today - notably among them diving full bodied over a hillock into a trench and cracking a rib by landing on my gun. I also had to replace the barrel as it was instantly forced about a foot into the mud-stuff that formed the trench floor. I spent the rest of the game crawling around and trying to not draw attention to myself while attempting to ignore the stabbing pain in my chest. Having taken myself out of the fight, essentially, for a game or two I had the opportunity to watch what was going on. This was what brought on my revelation.

I saw people gleefully running at fortified positions, opening up desperately but with clear and vicious intent to try and hit an opposing player. I saw several players fire at people who were obviously 'dead' and leaving the field despite - perhaps because of - the fact they were, for all intents and purposes, harmless. And no-one ever fired just one shot. It was always a stream of about ten. I will grant that the guns we used were atrociously inaccurate so to actually hit what you were aiming at usually a few shots were necessary. However, you can tell where a ball will land before it does land there - paintballs may travel at approx 200mph when they leave the gun but quickly decelerate to following-able speeds. If your ball is going to or has already hit someone, stop shooting at them. Give them time to check they were hit properly and then, if they are, let them get up and leave.

This is what decency pretty much demands. Not much decency was visible today. After one incident I lost my temper a little. I 'died', made it abundantly clear I was dead and after taking but one step I was hit again. This was a good ten seconds or so after the first hit, so wasn't part of a burst, and was completely unnecessary. I released a short and abusive tirade in the direction the paintball had come. I think it was the only time I've heard a paintball field go totally silent mid-game without any intervention from marshalls. I would have been embarrassed but I was too busy being furious. Then, after getting everyone's attention and making it certain beyond any doubt I was 'dead' and was moving toward the deadzone, someone on the other team raised their gun at me while I approached. My immediate response was to shoot him, which I curbed but only just; he seemed taken aback by a previously 'harmless' target raising his weapon and turning into a extremely harmful potential target. He didn't shoot. I was glad. I think, given some thought, he would be too.

Given the evidence, everyone there had a good time. Causing pain and suffering it themselves at the hands of others. There were few selfless sacrifices, a small bit of team work but about as much general co-operation as a group of five year olds after over-dosing on crack-cocaine. I enjoyed. It is pretty exhausting exercise, I got shot but got revenge as well and would certainly go again. Does this make me a deviant, twisted person? I don't think so; I meet new people, shoot them, get shot, learn to be aware of my surroundings under pressure and have fun with friends.

This could just be a list of excuses for being a deviant, twisted person. Or the label of 'deviance' and 'twisted-ness' could be forced upon us by people who don't enjoy it because we're different. It depends on your perspective, and it's only fair to judge once you have every sides' version of a story.

With the advantage of having both perspectives, I would say this: Don't go paintballing. You will be stuck in filth while running from vengeful, violent and possibly unbalanced individuals given non-lethal guns and told it's okay to kill people.

Abstinence and Breakfasting.

So Lent has begun and people are giving up things, like chocolate, alcohol and sex. What have I given up? Something a lot more difficult for me personally to shake.

Laziness.

Yup. I'm giving up one of my defining character defects. It's paying off but it's a lot of hard work. I'm aggressively hunting down job interviews and pursuing people on what has happened to my applications, I'm going to the gym (after a little convincing from a good friend who offered to pay my gym fees) and I'm creating a plan of attack to tidy my room, which looks like the Somme post-1918.

What I'm really doing is, rather than giving something up, is taking something on. This is a lot more work and effort, and generally harder, but should be more rewarding. I say should because in today's economic/political crisis nothing is promised and it could still result in total nada. But cross fingers it helps.

This post is inspired by the ladies who were talking to each other in the queue at the supermarket today. Most/all of it was so inane and lacking in excitement I came close to tears but I steeled myself to avoid an emotional breakdown in public. Eventually they got talking about Pancake Day (ref: Shrove Tuesday) and one of them realized that meant it was Lent. I mean, as if it were unexpected or unusual for Lent to a) happen b) start of Shrove Tuesday. The other said, "Oh yes, I've given up chocolate.

This was a rather anti-climatic conclusion to the subject - the other woman agreeing that sounded good and she would do the same - and the two moved on from the topic. I was a bit miffed that they had moved on so hastily and basically regarded it as an unimportant chore - I also caught a huge whiff of insincerity about their fasting choices. I mean, while giving up chocolate is all when and good as far as it goes, it doesn't go far. Now, say, giving up desserts and snacking entirely, that's more like fasting. To give a comparison, it would be like me giving up cheese: a minor nuisance that a simple change in my diet and a saving of one British pound would accommodate.

I'm not saying people should try harder, or that they're being disrespectful or ungodly or anything. I think people are just being lazy. That's right, lazy. By giving up something that is a treat anyway they can fool themselves into believing that they have fulfilled some imagined quota or crossed a check box in their lives. It really becomes a laughable practice when you get right down to it, like greeting cards and cheap gimmicky presents at Christmas.

My point is that Lent is a recognized time of year in the Christian calendar. I'm sure if you asked some quietly devout Muslims what they were giving up for Lent they'd possibly be quite offended. It shouldn't be something everyone has to do, shouldn't be commercialized and thereby belittled by making it commonplace. Lent is an important time of year for Christians, or should be. Again, I'm not saying people should try harder. What I'm really saying is people shouldn't try.

Think about it; if you're not Christian, what does it matter to you whether it's Lent or not? Why bother trying? What's the frigging point? Yes, this I am Christian and yes, this does seem to be against the evangelical nature of my faith but why say, "No, I don't care for your religion" and then partake in a religious observance for that religion? I mean, why not go for Ramadan or Hanukkah while you're at it?

Yes, I understand people can do it regardless of their faith but still; why then? Why that time of year? Why not just do it another time? That'd really make an impression on people. It could be said people observing Lent without being part of the faith is a good thing and that they're respecting it. Judging by their choices of fasting, I wouldn't agree with this; in the forty days and forty nights he spent in the desert, it is doubtful Jesus's first desire would have been for something sweet and luxurious like a chocolate bar. It would probably have been something we all take for granted now. Like water.

So this Lent I decided to make a proper effort - I will admit, this allowed me to give up my original resolution of "No Fizzy Drinks" but I'm not upset or embarrassed about that; this way, I'm also being more respectful in my observance of the season. All I'm asking is that this year, make Lent special. Pick something you can really achieve if you put the effort in, and do it. Remember the words of Yoda regarding willpower,

"Do, or do not. There is no try."

This Lent, don't try. Do, or do not.

Self-Righteousness and Revivication

This blog, as the few people who follow/read it may have noticed, has been dying. I have been hard pressed to find a point where I have a) time, b) motivation and c) something interesting to write about to keep my little portion of cyberspace alive. However, this changed today for two reasons:

ONE!:
I have a friend who not only has a full time job but is also pursuing a fledgling and increasingly successful career in stand up comedy who fins time to write at least one entry a day. If she can manage a + b + c so can I! Otherwise, I'm failing a bit as the creative genius I claim to be.

TWO!:
I had time today to think about it.

To explain: Driving home from a friend's house today I took the back roads to avoid rush hour traffic. It's a long and quite tight route, but my Nissan Micra has bravely traversed those wilds many times before so I felt confident today. Half way home, I had to stop due to a woman who was coming the other way and decided that she was so important she could break road law and, instead of waiting behind the line of parked cars on her side of the road to let me past - as right of way required her to do - she instead began to drive towards me.

On my side of the road. After I had already begun to drive down past the obstructing line of parked cars which blocked her side of the road.

It wasn't until I got about two thirds of the way that I had to stop, lest I damage my beloved Micra by attempting to drive through her 206. The woman was livid; as in, totally and absolutely furious. She was shouting at me (which I couldn't hear over my music) and waving her arms and gesturing and swearing. So was her daughter. It was quite easy to lip read, as she kindly emphasized the motions of her speech for me, and I was called stupid at least half a dozen times.

Being honest, there was no way in hell I was reversing nearly a hundred metres along a tight back road to let her past. Instead, I turned my music up and took the time to study her.

She was fat. So fat I could only claim she had a neck by assuming she was human and therefore, anatomically, had to have one. Her daughter was also fairly large, but nothing on her mother. Her skin looked leathery and weather beaten, and there was very little about her appearance I could reasonably identify as feminine. From my visual investigation, I could see no reason why this woman should be allowed to break road law and not reverse to let me by.

After this I began to ignore her and started to sing and dance along to my radio while turning off my engine to wait for her to return to sanity. This seemed only to achieve a net effect of turning her face purple. After drumming on my wheel for awhile and not moving, she got out of her car and walked towards me.

She was really big. In fact, this is one of the few times I could accurately describe someone as 'obese'. It was as terrifying as it was disgusting. The fact she could walk at all was a source of amazement to me.

I unwound my window, lest she attempt to knock on it with her ham-hands and accidentally break it due to a misconception about physics, and she greeted me in what I can only guess was her colloquial fashion for this situation. Are you ready?

"Wha' the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you see I'm tryin' to fuckin' drive and you're in my fuckin' way?"

That's three apparently natural uses of the word 'fuck' or a derivative of it in two sentences where it adds nothing and makes no sense, seeing as how it's actually meaning is more or less 'to have sex with'. I'm not even going to try and replace it in the sentence. I told her that a) I was also trying to drive (normally), b) she was also in my way (normally - or as normal as she could manage, at least) and c) that nothing was wrong with me.

She then proceeded to, quite kindly, show me that her expletive vocabulary was quite limited to the words 'fuck' and 'shit' while also attempting, to what I believe was the best of her ability, to explain why I should move back down the road. My response she could try reversing back the ten or so feet to pull back onto her side of the road and then let me pass, thus allowing herself to continue her journey.

I was asked, eventually, why she should reverse and not I. I looked back down the road, to make sure it wasn't just a trick of my mind that made me think it wasn't a quite expansive distance behind me to the other end of the obstructing cars. It was. I told her it was my side of the road and she only had to go back ten feet or so. She was still livid. I told her I had no other plans for this evening and that I could wait for her to find reverse, as long as it took, before continuing on and rolled up my window. She tried shouting at me but it didn't work because I turned up my music.

She did eventually reverse back soon after that. I waved a thank you and in return got a middle finger, but it didn't bother me much. The whole time this incident was occurring and I hadn't talked to the woman/thing I had been thinking about a few things, one of them being this blog. I decided to re-begin for the same reason I didn't reverse my car down that road; there are regularly fruits for patience.

So I am going to continue writing this in the hope that one day it will bear fruit and assist my future in some way. Failing that, anyone who reads it might get some entertainment or, heaven forbid, wisdom from whatever words I post. I hope this helps other people decide that it sometimes worth doing something because one day it might do them some good.

Cinnamon Bagels: Food of the Future

As is obvious, I haven't written anything here for awhile.

This mainly due to stress, hatred, nausea, maniacal laughing, hysterical sopping, infrequent tantrums and violent out bursts of undirected anger caused my dissertation. It's done now, but I'm still haunted by it; I managed to misprint the damn thing about 4 times so now I have four imperfect copies of my dissertation that I poured blood and sweat and hate-filled dedication into sitting on my desk staring at me smugly, knowing it's ruined my life. This must be what some corporate CEO's feel when they have a bad day and look down at their desks to see a picture of their family. Only I can burn my dissertation.

I've been drunk for the last two days. It was fun but I'm now enjoying sobriety and the ability to eat normal food it brings - hence the cinnamon bagels. Anyone who doesn't like them is never getting into Heaven, period. I can still be friends with them, but I'll always pity them slightly. If you haven't tried them, go do it now. And if you don't like them, don't pretend you do and eat on the vain hope you'll still get into Heaven; God knows if you don't like them already. And He will judge you as have I.

Ahem. Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was real life. No, as a student for al my adult life I've never really been involved in this strange and weird thing, but from my graduated friends' experiences its horrible. So, I'm going to try to find the good bits in it;

1) Income. Like money, but its a frequent injection that you don't have to pay back. Yes, you need a job and they can be terrible but this is a list of good things.
2) The ability not to have to live with your parents (related to income). Again, this is also a cost but the benefits far out-weigh the costs.
3) You meet new people. Sure, maybe in a business manner but still. New people.
4) I won't be getting more money off the government. This could be seen as a con, but the loan repayment interest rate is atrocious and doesn't change. Seriously, check it out; it's extortion of the first order. The 'inflation' incremental increase bears no relevance to the actual rate of inflation and the interest rate that 'doesn't exist' actually does. Day light robbery.
5) That's about it.

But, in my opinion that's enough. People with jobs kinda forget what it's like not to have any money coming in at all. It makes me want to cry sometimes and I would, except that my tear ducts fell out when I was fifteen and I can no longer cry in the normal sense of the word. Instead I break things.

David Cameron (and Nick Clegg, I suppose, although it wasn't part of his manifesto) has promised to sort out the student loan issue - without mentioning what part of the student loan was an issue, so this could be interesting - and has given himself an extra year for his term of office so he can make this happen, as well as other things. Like removing Gordon Brown's term of service from the official history books forever. I hope he can do it - I actually voted him in. Yes, I personally voted 500,000 times for David Cameron. That's not true, but I did vote for him in the hope he could do 20% of what he promised. And so that Gordon Brown wouldn't be in office again.

I'd also like him to bring down housing prices so I can get my own house sooner. I guess I could always go on benefits but that just...urgh...hurts my soul to think about. At least I wouldn't have to get food stamps.

Cameron should also cure cancer, solve the AIDS issue, make me tea once a week within an hour of me asking and lower the cost of cinnamon bagels, based on his statement that he would "make Britain and the world a better place." We'll see how he does. In the mean time, I have to prepare to blitz my last exam ever (with luck). Wish me luck, or alternatively give me a job.

So. America!

Those of you who watch my blog - the very few - will have noticed that the postings have slowed down of late. Some might say they've stopped. Speculation on why this may be ranges from 'He got a life' to 'Maybe that girl he says he's seeing is real' to 'the Iceland ash cloud. obviously' to 'Aliens! He can't have a real girl!'.

The first of these is most accurate, as I've been jumping around America for the past two weeks or so causing what chaos I could. After a brief stop over in Buffalo it was off to Chicago for four days with Raven, and that was a lot of fun. Sadly I didn't see too much of Chicago, but I think I can cope. Then back to Buffalo for a week or so with m friends there; a couple of improv shows, some parties, generally having a lot of fun.

What have I gained out of this? Well, lots. But, aside from certain obvious benefits, I have learned how much I missed my friends I left here, which is odd since we all know any friendships here involving me have a time-limit, as I live in England - much to the chagrin of some. However, coming back was great and it was almost like I never left. Which is good, but kinda scary.

I've also learned that there is quite a high percentage of the population that doesn't use Facebook. Which is fine, but since I don't have cell numbers for anyone getting in touch is difficult; I had to stalk one person out of the student union and half way to their dorms. I felt creepy so it's anyone's guess what I looked like.

Gamegirl and Conscience will be glad to here everything went okay for myself and Raven and that we don't hate each other. Conscience won't want to know the details but I'm sure Gameboy - Gamegirl's boyfriend (yes, imaginatively named, I know) - will ask about it so she'll end up knowing. I'm looking forward to seeing them all again when I go home, but there is a significant part of me that wants to bring my American friends back for a bit.

It's too bad the Iceland ash cloud has cleared up, or looks to be cleared up, or I could feasibly delay my flight home for a while and stay out here longer, pleasing several parties. We'll have to see what happens, maybe God will take a hand in it. Although it really wouldn't serve a higher purpose than making me happy and possibly reducing the chances of my dissertation being written.