Cinnamon Bagels: Food of the Future

As is obvious, I haven't written anything here for awhile.

This mainly due to stress, hatred, nausea, maniacal laughing, hysterical sopping, infrequent tantrums and violent out bursts of undirected anger caused my dissertation. It's done now, but I'm still haunted by it; I managed to misprint the damn thing about 4 times so now I have four imperfect copies of my dissertation that I poured blood and sweat and hate-filled dedication into sitting on my desk staring at me smugly, knowing it's ruined my life. This must be what some corporate CEO's feel when they have a bad day and look down at their desks to see a picture of their family. Only I can burn my dissertation.

I've been drunk for the last two days. It was fun but I'm now enjoying sobriety and the ability to eat normal food it brings - hence the cinnamon bagels. Anyone who doesn't like them is never getting into Heaven, period. I can still be friends with them, but I'll always pity them slightly. If you haven't tried them, go do it now. And if you don't like them, don't pretend you do and eat on the vain hope you'll still get into Heaven; God knows if you don't like them already. And He will judge you as have I.

Ahem. Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was real life. No, as a student for al my adult life I've never really been involved in this strange and weird thing, but from my graduated friends' experiences its horrible. So, I'm going to try to find the good bits in it;

1) Income. Like money, but its a frequent injection that you don't have to pay back. Yes, you need a job and they can be terrible but this is a list of good things.
2) The ability not to have to live with your parents (related to income). Again, this is also a cost but the benefits far out-weigh the costs.
3) You meet new people. Sure, maybe in a business manner but still. New people.
4) I won't be getting more money off the government. This could be seen as a con, but the loan repayment interest rate is atrocious and doesn't change. Seriously, check it out; it's extortion of the first order. The 'inflation' incremental increase bears no relevance to the actual rate of inflation and the interest rate that 'doesn't exist' actually does. Day light robbery.
5) That's about it.

But, in my opinion that's enough. People with jobs kinda forget what it's like not to have any money coming in at all. It makes me want to cry sometimes and I would, except that my tear ducts fell out when I was fifteen and I can no longer cry in the normal sense of the word. Instead I break things.

David Cameron (and Nick Clegg, I suppose, although it wasn't part of his manifesto) has promised to sort out the student loan issue - without mentioning what part of the student loan was an issue, so this could be interesting - and has given himself an extra year for his term of office so he can make this happen, as well as other things. Like removing Gordon Brown's term of service from the official history books forever. I hope he can do it - I actually voted him in. Yes, I personally voted 500,000 times for David Cameron. That's not true, but I did vote for him in the hope he could do 20% of what he promised. And so that Gordon Brown wouldn't be in office again.

I'd also like him to bring down housing prices so I can get my own house sooner. I guess I could always go on benefits but that just...urgh...hurts my soul to think about. At least I wouldn't have to get food stamps.

Cameron should also cure cancer, solve the AIDS issue, make me tea once a week within an hour of me asking and lower the cost of cinnamon bagels, based on his statement that he would "make Britain and the world a better place." We'll see how he does. In the mean time, I have to prepare to blitz my last exam ever (with luck). Wish me luck, or alternatively give me a job.

So. America!

Those of you who watch my blog - the very few - will have noticed that the postings have slowed down of late. Some might say they've stopped. Speculation on why this may be ranges from 'He got a life' to 'Maybe that girl he says he's seeing is real' to 'the Iceland ash cloud. obviously' to 'Aliens! He can't have a real girl!'.

The first of these is most accurate, as I've been jumping around America for the past two weeks or so causing what chaos I could. After a brief stop over in Buffalo it was off to Chicago for four days with Raven, and that was a lot of fun. Sadly I didn't see too much of Chicago, but I think I can cope. Then back to Buffalo for a week or so with m friends there; a couple of improv shows, some parties, generally having a lot of fun.

What have I gained out of this? Well, lots. But, aside from certain obvious benefits, I have learned how much I missed my friends I left here, which is odd since we all know any friendships here involving me have a time-limit, as I live in England - much to the chagrin of some. However, coming back was great and it was almost like I never left. Which is good, but kinda scary.

I've also learned that there is quite a high percentage of the population that doesn't use Facebook. Which is fine, but since I don't have cell numbers for anyone getting in touch is difficult; I had to stalk one person out of the student union and half way to their dorms. I felt creepy so it's anyone's guess what I looked like.

Gamegirl and Conscience will be glad to here everything went okay for myself and Raven and that we don't hate each other. Conscience won't want to know the details but I'm sure Gameboy - Gamegirl's boyfriend (yes, imaginatively named, I know) - will ask about it so she'll end up knowing. I'm looking forward to seeing them all again when I go home, but there is a significant part of me that wants to bring my American friends back for a bit.

It's too bad the Iceland ash cloud has cleared up, or looks to be cleared up, or I could feasibly delay my flight home for a while and stay out here longer, pleasing several parties. We'll have to see what happens, maybe God will take a hand in it. Although it really wouldn't serve a higher purpose than making me happy and possibly reducing the chances of my dissertation being written.

"Better Infamous Than Forgotten"

I've discovered I have to return to my university city a day or so early because of academic events I cannot miss - namely, an in-class exam - but today is being left free for a little bit more time with friends and family, in the spirit of Easter and the national holiday Easter Monday is. However, I have nothing to do for a while and the day drags on when you're doing nothing. So, to try and escape criminal levels of boredom, I googled myself.

I got a link to linkedin.com, a business networking website, where I was listed under 'pubs'; I believe this means public profiles, not public houses, otherwise the site is direly misinformed. However, the profile is missing which either means I should make one - not likely right now - or I should forget it and go about my life as I have done for the last twentysomething years.

The other link of interest I got - that wasn't for some kind of networking site - was a biography site and a short entry claiming some of my relative moved to America at some point. For interest, here it is:

[MyName] farmer, sec. 24; P. O., Vermont; was born here in 1833, son of James and Lydia (Mercer), natives of Ohio; his father came on foot to Illinois, and being overtaken by the deep snow (1830-31), he became discouraged and returned to Ohio in the spring, but in 1833 he settled permanently in this county; he died in 1868, and his wife died when John was but 10 years of age; the latter received a liberal education; in the last war he enlisted in Yates' Battalion of sharpshooters, and was in many a sharp encounter. He married Mahala B. Petty, daughter of John Petty, of Indiana, and their children are Minnie, Irving, and Jesse.

Riveting stuff right? After reading this, I decided I didn't want to become a paragraph on some little known website or a footnote in a census after I die. Quite how I'm going to achieve greatness is as yet unclear. I am working towards becoming a published author but that's not the easiest thing in the world by a long shot. One of my 'friends' suggested a one man genocide. We're not friends on Facebook, so obviously it's not an official position. He's more of an acquaintance. Especially now; it's not that I don't like him, but it's not something that you should really suggest loudly in a crowded pub. I left quickly.

So, I'm taking ideas at the moment. Chu, my youngest brother, has yet to give any constructive help and my other younger brother, Mandarin, is in China and so slightly less than easily contactable. Most people are encouraging me down the path I've chosen - that of the author, not the genocide artist - including Rebel, Gamegirl and Raven, the girl I've given myself to (that's horribly close to a girlfriend reference. I don't really know another way to describe her though, so I'll have to see how she likes it). Conscience, one of my closest friends who usually plays the role she's been named after for me, also supports me but is kind of having to deal with her own university fallout at the moment. She's been a graduate for nearly a year, and it sounds like she has a little longer left before she's properly using her degree.

But in my quest for greatness, I feel I should have a contingency plan. I'll be running a few ideas past the world via this blog, rather than by practice, mainly for your entertainment, Reader, so if you ever get that slightly less than bored you need to be to come here you may get some entertainment. In the meantime, it might be worth thinking of your own path to greatness so that you have your place in history. There might not be a fountain of youth, but you can be immortal and un-aging in the minds of millions if you try.







[The last quote is from The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassuss. The title quote is Napolean. You decide which has more merit in your opinion, but Napo's got my vote.]

Strange people.

We all know at least one; a person who will more often than not do things that are very out of the ordinary. Sometimes you get whole families of them, who do the same strange things (sometimes referred to as 'cults') or who do lots of different strange things (sometimes referred to as 'inbred'). So I know you, The Reader, will know the sort of person I am speaking of.

This post began while I was out with Rebel and Gamegirl - Gamegirl, like Rebel, is a housemate of mine currently. We were out for a meal at a rather fantastic all you can eat buffet and Gamegirl mentioned she couldn't access my new blog posts because I hadn't put the link up on facebook. I told there weren't many new posts, as the very few people who read this will be able to corroborate, but she insisted and so the link is now back in public domain. She also said I should write new posts to increase their number. Fancy that, effort equals productivity.

Any how, since it's coming up to deadline time again I need to procrastinate for no good reason and this blog does provide me with quite the opportunity. What could I write my new posts on though? My recent misadventures involving the M25? No, as a Greater London local I have dealt with the pain, anguish and hardship of the M25 for long enough that it doesn't rile me suitably to require a rant or blog post. My love life? While that may be interesting for some of you Readers, I've already said that I'm not going to go into that kind of thing here - "HAHA!" the Reader cries, "It's actually because you don't have one, isn't that right you sad little Chadrock?" Currently, that statement is closer to being false than true actually. I just don't want to publish it online. Could I write about the wonders of the all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet I went to? Well, here goes:

It's a buffet. Of Chinese food. And you can have as much as you want for fourteen British Sterling/$20 equivalent. The food is good and service is pleasingly fast. Those are the wonders. Share, indulge and enjoy.

Not so interesting as a blogpost, right? So I was still kind of flailing around cognitively for an idea this morning when my course friend BluesBoy revealed he had to print an essay off after class and hand it in. Not amazing in itself, the video he showed me while it was printing was.

Have you ever heard of Live Action Role Playing (L.A.R.Ping), Reader? If not, go abuse youtube for a while and have a look around for it. You'll find something. If you're too lazy to navigate away from my page, then I shall provide a brief explanation: grown men and women go out into the woodland or some other secluded area away from regular society and dress up as fantasy characters from games such as World of Warcraft and re-enact battles from the history of that game or from the game itself. Like when you were eight years old and played Cowboys & Indians with your friends, only slightly more organized and there's a set of rules. No, I don't know them. No, I don't LARP. I do, however, find the idea at the same time comforting and hilarious. All shall be explained later.

First, I finally reach the point of my new post; Live Avatar Role Playing. Yes, like from the film. With the blue people/Na'vi. The people of Hometree, Wisconsin have set up their own fantastic (nb; of fantasy) reserve that they attempt to model on Pandora. This was the video on youtube that BluesBoy showed me. This takes LARPing to a whole new level; WoW has a huge player base, or 'population', and so I find it more understandable that people would want to LARP from it's history and literature. Avatar may have a big following and high success rate but it's not in the same league as WoW or most cyberpunk cults. Live Avatar Role Playing takes my feelings of comfort and hilarity to a whole new level, which I will explain now.

Comfort: If this...activity makes them happy, then fine. Great. I'm glad for them. If painting yourself blue and running around sparse woodland and speaking in invented languages, go for it. Just like the normal(?) LARPers, I shouldn't come down harshly on these people. They're not hurting me so why should I worry?

Hilarity: Really? I mean, really? Grown adults who are meant to be mature and sensible do this kind of thing for entertainment? Thinking about it, it's not quite as bad as grown men hiding in trees and yelling "Lghtning Bolt!" while throwing representative twigs, but it's close. "This is how I feel comfortable, why should I be ashamed? It's like it's my real skin." Yeah, right. Which is why you paint it on.

BluesBoy and his housemate Firehead have actually turned up during the writing of this blog. There was a brief discussion about the video during Guitar Hero, along the lines of, 'It can't be real, they're just actors. Their speeches were too good and there weren't any mistakes,' but while that could be true if these people are confident enough I don't think they'd stutter or have problems talking about it on camera.

Decide for yourself; youtube Live Avatar Role Playing and see the strangeness for yourself. Whatever you decide, I'm leaving it well enough alone. I have to go shopping for stuff to cause chaos with in my last class ever. Wish me luck.



(Note: Their archery is terrible and the joining ritual just doesn't translate well into role play. Do not try this at home.)

Gamer, LF date.

Violent and/or aggressive computer games have been demonized by the media and criticized for destroying the youth of today. They display scenes of graphic and unusual violence and encourage what is best described as 'medieval' behaviour - killing people at will to achieve something, not throwing piss in the streets and dying of the plague. Which is why women steer clear of them, pretty generally, and only a small minority of them dare venture into a world where verbal harassment can occur in the comfort of their own homes. And we, the male gamers of the world, understand this and accept it. But there's a secret that we all share, something that would probably terrify the female gender if they ever found out and believed it; it's all a big conspiracy.

Computer games on any format are no more disturbing or compelling than a violent movie or a piece of graphic literature. Hell, there are cartoons that children watch that are far more scary in their inferences and connotations than most media-criticized computer games. And men know this, but we need one thing that women have no hold over. Even sports, our previous refuge, is becoming more and more accepted by the fairer gender and they are increasingly getting involved in them, both professionally and socially. Men need time away from women where they don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing, or having an idle remark turned into a declaration or war; somewhere we can be the heartless bastards nature intended us to be without feeling bad. Pubs and bars are safe no longer, as ladette culture spreads and women increasingly find out that these palces aren't so bad.

So we created the Games Conspiracy. All those media reports, all those 'banned' games, most of the horror stories, they're nearly all a fiction. I won't deny some are true, but most of the propaganda against computer games comes from men and is written or originates from men. Women might take up the battle cry, but we are the source. We create the hatred of them, and since we know it's mostly rubbish and not true that's why the games industry, so often criticized and blamed for societies flaws, has not been shut down. Think about it people! If everything said about it was true, why in God's name would it still be there? And we do this, we go to all the effort of a global conspiracy just so women do not, under any circumstances, become part of the culture as anything more than a token presence. You know why?

We don't want girls on Xbox live! It's a safe haven from the need to talk to women, and somewhere you can rip the shit out of 12 year-olds and send them home crying without any consequence past a bad player review. We do not need women bringing their sensitivity and caring nature to what is essentially man's last refuge of disorganized, testosterone filled rampaging violence in the modern world. We need this chance to be everything women hate so when we're in 'decent' company we don't slip up and behave like 'barbarians'.

My not-completely in/sincere rant today is provided by gamecrush.com, a website that advertises itself with capitals (www.GameCrush.com) for no reason, as web-addresses are not case sensitive. I may be picking at scraps here, but this....idea upsets me. It is a website which essentially fulfills the role of a dating website using games as a gimicky medium in a slightly desperate and ill-thought through effort to attract gamers, stylized and stereotyped as socially inept and unable to talk to women in most situations. I could write a paper on the mistakes it makes, and it would look something like this:

The Obvious Problems with GameCrush.com
An essay by J.T. Chadrock

1)Gamers predominantly play computer games to have fun, not to meet women. Blindly obvious, but it must be pointed out. If a gamer wanted to meet women, they would go somewhere women classically frequent. Like, anywhere without computer games.
2)If Gamers are as socially inept or so panicked by talking to women as the stereotype leads us to believe, then having a webcam conversation with one they don't know over a game of chequers or Battleships (seriously, they advertise this as casual gaming over webcam) is not going to be any easier. Especially, and I stress this, because none of the PlayDates (yes, again I kid you not) are required to actually deliver anything. This moves on to point 3).
3)Players (yes, this is how GameCrush describes their clients) can rate the PlayDates based on their performance. The rating categories are hotness (supposedly obligatory but subjective and, if I'm honest, unnecessary), flirtiness (the novelist and writer in me seethes with distaste for that non-word) and gaming ability (something that could be much easier recorded by a simple record system of wins-losses. Like, say, most games use.) The categories help little and realistically a girl's gaming ability is not what appeals to me. If I wanted to date a serious gamer I'd find her on Xbox Live or WoW or whatever I preferred because the PlayDates are paid to play computer games and don't necessarily have that avid an interest.
4)It costs. Like any dating website, I'll admit. But only the Players are charged; PlayDates date for free. This, I feel, is a rather sexist and unfair method as if the PlayDates truly enjoy games for gaming's sake they are getting paid to do it while the male Players must pay for the same service. Better would be a dating website where Players are both male and female and can search for profiles of other Players who share an interest in the same games, and then they can arrange PlayDates. Monthly subscription fees are something most Gamers are familiar with anyway and it would be a whole lot fairer.
5)It costs about $8 a PlayDate, apparently as much a drink with in an American bar. The website managers claim that when you buy a girl a drink you are paying to talk to them so their website is no different. However, most girls take longer than 6-10 minutes (PlayDate length depending on the game played) to finish a drink, especially if talking to you and halfway enjoying it. Also, I don't think most places charge $8 for a drink. Maybe $4, so enough for one each, but then you get a drink out of it too, right? Yes, you get the game out of a PlayDate but you could do that for free. And, importantly, if things go well between you and a girl at a bar you could get more than conversation. Much more, in some cases. Not so with GameCrush.
6)PlayDates don't have to be single. "What?!" you cry, "A dating website that encourages cheating and adultery?!" No. GameCrush is not a dating website, as pointed out before. It is in fact much more akin to those websites not talked about in public that let you chat to a girl via webcam for thrills at an regular rate that is fairly reasonable when compared with GameCrush. PlayDates can even have their boyfriend present, and while this may gift them with bad reviews they still get paid. I don't think it's encouraged but it can still happen.


And so on and so forth. For the full paper, email me. I'd apologize for the length, but this is actually quite a sensitive issue to me. I AM a Gamer, and a geek. I'm proud of it. I still go out, have a social life (yes, I'm expecting some kind of remark hear from someone but if you don't know me then what can you really say?) and have friends. And yes, I talk to girls. I've done nearly everything possible with some of them too. I do not play games to meet women, and when I want to meet women I don't do it by playing games. GameCrush is a bad idea that could have worked if it had been thought through properly. While I don't doubt it will have a following - stereotypes are, after all, there for a reason - I don't think it'll have anywhere near the success the designers hope for.

My advice to Gamers wanting to meet GirlGamers is this; stick to games. You meet girls who like to go out when you go out, and you'll meet girls who like to game when you game. It may take longer, but it's the better way. Better than paying a large fraction of the XboxLive subscription fee to talk to a girl for ten minutes while playing games.

If all else fails, try WoW for gaming's sake; it has a huge population and girls play it quite frequently. Just don't run around as a half naked Draenei female trying to tempt them into emote-sex.