Motiwhat?

So while my search for intelligence on Xbox Live continues - believe it or not, I'm only about 500 words into what is supposed to be a 3000 word essay based on the arguments and opinion of a mostly 12-year-old-American sub-culture - I have decided to write a short discourse on why people don't do things.

Some people may be frustrated that instead of writing the real essay I have due for Friday I'm writing yet another note - i.e. my course mates - but I feel that my arguments for the mystical powers of procrastination are furthered by the fact I'm doing this instead of that. I mean, writing an essay on procrastination with the goal of achieving something seems to be a bit of a lie. If you can get things done, what do you know about procrastination?

I've found that procrastination doesn't necessarily have to be exciting to distract you from work. I did washing up earlier, and for it's rip-roaring and adrenaline pumping action it did not in fact entertain me in the slightest - not even when I discovered another fork under the wash bowl in the sink, raising the total number of forks in my house from six to seven. If there was a clinical condition to describe the ability to makes forks disappear from existence, I think myself and all of my housemates would have near-terminal degrees of it.

Even now I'm avoiding the point. Procrastination is not the search for entertainment or excitement; it is just the search for shirking, disobedience or escaping responsibility. I would do lots of un-entertaining things to fill time so I didn't have to do work, and so would many of you reading this note - like you, Kevin!

[The likelihood of your name being Kevin is low, but in my eternal quest to make some unsuspecting blog-addict fall off his chair in shock I must continue my efforts.]

Many of you could be doing something much more worthwhile than reading this AT THIS VERY MOMENT but yet you read on - you've started now, right? So you should finish, even if it's just out of respect. I mean, it'd be rude to not finish it. Wouldn't it? And maybe you're hoping you'll find it mildly entertaining or even, if you're very lucky, amusing.

Well Santa's on his day off so I'm rewarding all the good little girls and boys for behaving well at the moment, and as stated in many of my entries I'm not the most altruistic, beneficent, generous or rewarding person God, in his wisdom, created. I am, in fact, much closer to the other end of the scale I would suspect. So if you're looking for something from this note, some small smidgen of enlightenment, entertainment or escapism, good luck I say. Admittedly my goal in life is to be a successful author and indulge all the escapists out there, so my attempted denial of your entertainment is either ironic, contradictory, self hating or a mixture of all of the above. Ah well, better add them to my list of anti-virtues....

I could have written a couple of thousand words of creative genius in the time it took to formulate and write this. I could have cleaned the house, done washing, cooked something, tidied my room or even just sat around and watched TV. But those things are pretty much the classical territory of women, and I wouldn't bring myself down to that level. I can already feel the oppressive and crushing weight of feminist fury pressing down upon me for that statement, but I feel it was worth it. One of the advantages of being single is that you rarely have to sleep on a sofa unless you want to and you cook all your own meals anyway. SO BRING ON YOUR FURY, OH YE WOMEN SCORNED!

What else can I say about procrastination? Well, it's given birth to a lot of mind-numbingly mundane but sometimes pretty damn enjoyable past times; sports, alcoholism, embroidery, art, computer games, fiction, movies, the list goes on. Yes, some people find embroidery enjoyable I'm sure. I personally couldn't embroider a table with wood if I tried but hey. And yes, embroider IS a word, a truth I was as shocked to discover as some of you may be.

I should probably do something actually productive, like write, soon. I'm in contact with a good friend quite often who is also one the creative, escapist types and she constantly depresses me with her motivation and ability to get on and get her writing done no matter her mood. I do get jealous sometimes but hey, what can you do?

Yes, the correct answer is stop being lazy, stop procrastinating and just bloody well stop being worthless. I wonder if the removal of such traits from my character would have a lethal effect. Let's find out.